by Katie Garcia-Alcala
When someone becomes involved in a romantic relationship with another individual, they often do so with the hope that they have found “the one.” As cliche as it may sound, they get into that relationship in hopes to live the beginning of their happily ever after. The sad reality is that it may take a few frogs before they find their prince charming. Sometimes, what women and men think is their happily ever after, turns into a living nightmare.
Abusive relationships do not always have to be something physical. Abuse does not always have to manifest itself in black and blue marks that can be covered up with concealer or foundation. Sometimes there are bruises that never heal and manage to destroy any sort of self confidence a person can have.
Verbal abuse is something that happens over a long period of time that involves humiliation and obsessive jealousy from one partner. Distortion of the victims reality by telling them that the abuse is all in their head, also known as ‘gaslighting’ is also a large part in how abusive relationships work.
As Leigh Stein states in her article “He didn’t hit me. It was still abuse”, abuse doesn’t have to be physical: “…there is rarely a physically violent relationship that does not begin with psychological abuse, and its effects can linger longer than a broken limb” Abuse is everywhere, even when we can’t see it. As women, we have to be able to recognize the difference between verbal abuse and “a bad tempered partner or someone who occasionally says something cruel and then apologizes.” Not everything that is said and hurts one’s feelings is verbal abuse.
Recognize when it is and take back your power. Doing so isn’t always easy. Reach out for help and believe that someone will be there on the other side to pull you up. If you need someone to talk to, you can go to www.hotline.org or call at 1-800-799-7233. They focus on the victim’s mental health and finding a way to work together in hope to make the victim a confident person.
Remember that getting better is not impossible, even if finding the strength to reach out may seem so.